If, when you hear the phrase ‘goal setting’ you cringe, this article is for you. The subject of goal setting is discussed in many personal development courses and seminars, but somehow rarely delves deeply enough to help anyone on a long-term, powerful basis. This leaves participants frustrated and, worse, jaded.

If, instead, we taught proper priority-and goal-setting from school days, most people would be far happier and well-adjusted, in my opinion. I am no expert, but in my travels and teachings I have come across some fairly common goal setting programs which all seem to be missing a few key bits of advice. Some of the more important of those bits follow:

• Don’t look outside for what you want: Countless people, when setting their goals, choose things that are fairly meaningless to them. They choose what they think they ‘should’ do (lose 20 pounds), what their parents want them to do (go to University) or what their spouses expect (be on time more consistently). By using an external focus for their decision-making, they don’t really stand a chance of meeting these goals. In fact, not only do the goals have no power because they are not backed up with passion and drive, they also have emotion going against them – you will resent doing the things it takes every day to meet these goals. It’s an uphill battle, one you’ve probably lost already countless times.
• Reflect on your priorities: Perhaps until now your priorities in life – the things you place importance on – haven’t even been your own. Is it possible? Often, at the end of life when people have time to reflect, they find they’ve been ‘barking up the wrong tree.’ Who said you had to work long hours at the office (goal: getting that promotion)? Who said you are not attractive when you smile a genuine smile and let yourself be yourself (goal: get skinny and be attractive)? You may need to reflect a little to see what comes when you think about what you really want in life. If that seems like a lot of work you don’t have the time for, what’s the alternative? Getting to the end of your life and realizing you’re not happy with the way you lived it?
• Choose one goal at a time: While it’s good to have goals in all areas of your life, having too many goals at one time can be counterproductive. Business and motivational speaker Brian Tracy advises us to set one important, realistic goal per year and work to achieve it. You may want to have an overarching list of goals for your life, but by focusing on one (learning a new language, for instance) and giving it a year, you avoid overwhelming yourself with too many goals and/or too little time. For this to work, your goal must be both a challenge and realistically achievable.
• Set an umbrella goal: This means that instead of setting the goal to lose 10 pounds and get into shape, you set a goal which will be motivating for you on a much deeper level, and cause you to be excited, such as running a marathon 6 months from now. In this way, not only do you have a big, exciting goal to work toward, but you also feel excited every day going to work out, which you may not if your goal was just to lose those 10 pounds, and you also enjoy the sense of personal accomplishment that can only come from the inside. You’ll get in great shape and be happy about it at the same time! Even better, enlist or join friends in a common goal.

This should be enough to get your ideas rolling. The key is to use your inner sense of knowing – and develop it if it’s been silent a long time – to help guide you to what you really want. In this way you can set goals that are meaningful, personal ideals, and they will pull you toward them instead of you resentfully working towards things you don’t truly care about or want. Happy goal setting!

TIP: See Brian Tracy’s amazing body of work for help with having the skills and confidence to set and achive your goals!