Are relationships complex and difficult to spark and maintain? Or are they simple and easy?

How you answer this question will depend greatly on your own web of beliefs about who you are, your ability to interact with others, as well as your personal history, from your relationship with your parents, to friendships and romantic interests. It’s all connected, and everything we’ve experienced in our past informs how we behave in the present.

Having studied success for many years, naturally my study would include successful interactions and relationships. I have noticed, as you may have, that many self-help ‘gurus’ offer advice about how to improve relationships or how to attract the ‘perfect’ mate without offering a way to change our underlying assumptions and beliefs. This is important, because you can perform exercises from courses and work on your social skills, but if you still have fear or hesitation or resentment (just common examples of blocks), you may find it difficult to make progress. You will attract the same kinds of people and create the same kinds of conflict or challenge. How we behave comes from, as mentioned above, our inner web of beliefs, and unless we have a shift in which we are coming at things from a new perspective, it can be very hard to change.

Perhaps you will benefit from a shift at a different level – a change in paradigm. I’d like to look at this from a different point of view – from a higher perspective.

When thinking about how we interact with people, it really doesn’t matter whether we are dealing with our spouse, kids, friends or even a potential but as-of-yet-unrealized mate. What matters is how we feel inside when we approach life, and this can be vastly different for different people. Those who feel – and engender – a sense of connection with those around them find success in relationships others can’t even come close to. Have you ever had the pleasure of meeting someone who made you feel special instantly, who made you feel as if you’d always known them and you felt an instant connection? This is possible for you as well, with everyone you meet.

You may have heard that we are all connected, but have you ever given some deep thought to this concept and how your attitude towards it affects how you talk to people, even what you communicate when you look a stranger in the eye? By expanding your sense of self, you will see remarkable changes in your relationships, with loved ones and strangers alike. Those closest to you will likely provide the most challenge, as you are accustomed to behaving in certain patterns with them. They offer perfect mirrors to your inner self, and when you ‘get’ this you can use them for this purpose – the purpose they were always meant to serve!

Here’s something not talked about in everyday conversation, at least not by ‘normal’ people: We wield powers to create and change our lives and most of us have our heads down every day, focusing on the daily grind. How sad, and how unnecessary.

We have the power to collectively change this planet – our small, beautiful and interconnected world – for the better, each of us. There is no such thing as being ‘only one person.’ We are all intimately connected, and everything we think, say and do contributes to the reality here on Earth.

This power can either scare us or ignite us with passion, hope and excitement. We can use this knowledge consciously or we can remain unaware and continue down our current path…what sounds better?

It was a bit of a rhetorical question. Obviously what we’ve been doing thus far as a species isn’t working.

The good news is, as many people at the forefront of the thinking world will tell us, is that more and more people are awakening every day. This is unprecedented in the history of humankind and it is indeed a very exciting time we live in. It seems we are at a crossroads, and can go along as we have been or transform our lives and our world into the beautiful, magnificent creations they were always meant to be.

Change always comes from the grass roots; never the existing government or power/s. By embracing and exploring our abilities and questioning our beliefs and traditions we can begin to act consciously instead of react unconsciously. Some people feel frightened by this concept; they have been taught that security and peace of mind lies in trusting and following cultural and religious traditions, but are we wise and brave enough to see that this has not worked for us as a species? Can we see and create other ways? The answer is absolutely, unequivocally YES, but only if we want to, if we choose to. This is the crux. We have to be aware enough to want to be aware.

Humans have the capacity to co-create in synergistic, powerful ways, and we are only beginning to be aware of this. Let us consciously explore these possibilities and allow them to be the force of positive change on our planet. Let us be like lights who guide the way.

If you are conscious and honest with yourself, challenges occur in your life. Some of these challenges will be small. Others will seem to shake the very foundation of your life and make you wonder why you were ever born. It is at times like the latter that you need tools in your shed to help you weather the storm.

Connect with Spirit/God/the Universe

This is the first and most important tool. Nurturing your connection to a Higher Power will alleviate the feeling of loneliness that often comes when we feel that life is raining on us. When you are solidly grounded in Spirit, you know that life is always on your side despite what it may look like at the moment. This job loss may be the motivation you need in order to start your own business. Maintain your connection with your God and seek comfort and guidance there first in all situations.

Love Yourself

Does this sound a bit like New Age jargon? Well, it’s the second tool you need in your shed or you will most certainly get caught up in the hurricane. This hurricane sometimes looks like the end of a relationship that is completely devastating. The truth is that you are now being given a divine opportunity to love yourself. Until you are able to love yourself, you cannot love or be loved by someone else. This will show up in all of your relationships. The people in our lives are here to show us how we feel about ourselves and sometimes to allow us to use our new tools to exert our new boundaries.

Have a Vision for Your Life

Life is a journey. When you get into your car to drive from Chicago to St. Louis, you have directions and a map in case you need to take a detour. Being on your way to your vision is no different than taking a road trip. You need a clear direction in which to travel and a map in case you need to take a detour. Write your vision down and keep it Someplace where you will see it. Read it often and use it to make your plans and to-do lists. This vision is your map to your future. When you are feeling discouraged, read it and know that that is where you are headed. Detours may be necessary; but not only do you not have to stay off course, you may enjoy the scenery if you realize that this is just a detour. Read your vision out loud. Every word that leaves your mouth is a prayer. God always answers prayers.

Establish a Network of Support

“No man is an island, entire of itself.”

John Donne was completely right in this saying. We are all interconnected and we need to nurture the support that comes with that interconnectedness if we are to thrive. If you find yourself in the middle of a storm, turn to your support network. These are people who love you and want only the best for you. They will be your shoulder to cry on and a resource when you’re not thinking clearly. If you do not currently have a strong support system, seek one by hiring a coach, speaking with your pastor, starting a mastermind group or joining other groups that are of interest. The key is not to isolate yourself or think that you have to do it all alone. You are eternally connected to all life and it is to your advantage to utilize that connection.

Be Willing to Let Go and Embrace Change

When your life seems to be falling apart, realize that change is inevitable and surrender to it. The journey will be much more pleasant if you aren’t dragged along kicking and screaming the entire way. Focus on what’s good in your life and before you know it, the storm is over and there’s a beautiful rainbow waiting for you.

Life Has Challenges

This is one of the purposes for incarnation. Your job is to weather the storm with as little pain as possible. Ground yourself in your spirituality as a protective measure. Harbor tremendous love for yourself and see that the storms are of a lower intensity. Maintain your vision and stay on course through even the most treacherous turmoil. Rally your support for extra protection and damage control. Finally, be willing to embrace change and allow things to fall away if necessary. Mourn the loss and move on as there are always better things in store for you. If you open your hands and let go, there’s room for you to receive.

by LaKeitha Simmons

After nine years, my husband, who is admittedly the one who is the source of the pain in our relationship, says to me, ‘I think we should separate.’

I must tell you that he has impeccable timing. I am four months pregnant with our second child. You read that correctly; our second child. My daughter is 17 months old and has only stopped nursing because I am no longer producing milk as I grow my second child. I am still pursuing my BA and have not worked in over a year. To say that our financial state is not good would be an understatement. Take all of this into account and he wants to separate. I will be a single mother with two children. Beautiful.

I must tell you that I did not originally have this peachy an attitude about the whole situation. I was angrier than I ever thought possible. How could he do this to me!?! I deserve better than this! His life should be falling apart, not mine. Then, I had a pity party complete with, ‘Woe is me. What am I going to do? How will we survive? Who will want me now? Who is going to want to raise some other man’s children?’ Oh it was a BIG party. I invited every victim mentality I knew.

One day, a friend asked me to examine this situation for the good in it. ‘Well, there has to be some good here’, I thought. Nothing that ever happens is all bad. So, I sat down to create my list of good things and found myself in deep detached thought about the whole situation. I looked at myself and the situation without interference from my fragile emotional attachments and was surprised by what I found, though I shouldn’t have been.

For nine years, I have continually and consistently been hyper vigilant about my feelings in reference to this particular relationship. I was constantly looking for the next wrong and the next pain that he would cause for me. Time and time again, I found exactly what I was looking for. Yes, there were times when he was completely innocent and I was only slightly relieved at these times as I knew that there would be a new offense. Lo and behold, there always was.

What I came to realize is that I brought all of this upon myself. No, I’m not saying that my husband is totally innocent in this situation. However, with a different attitude, maybe he would have been heaping this pain upon someone else and I would have been enjoying the love and respect that I so rightly deserve.

Our thoughts and words create our realities. As I was snooping through his various accounts and regaling all of my friends and anyone else who would listen with his latest wrong, I was simply creating more of that in my life for myself. Each word we speak is a prayer. Here I was offering prayers of catching him in all of his indiscretions.

I thought my life was falling apart. After much introspection and guidance, I have realized that my prayers were actually being answered. I wanted out of this painful situation and I talked and thought about how much I wanted out and how he has done me wrong daily. I didn’t have any idea or specific demands about how I wanted this to happen so God answered my prayer in the way He saw fit.

I now rest in the knowledge that my life is not falling apart but coming together and that prayers are always answered. Maybe you’ve just lost a job, your car or the love of your life. Go ahead and mourn your loss. Then, ask yourself, “Is my life falling apart or are my prayers being answered?”

by LaKeitha Simmons

Recommended Book

Use this insightful book as a tool for helping you recognize what is really going on around you as well as to change how you see things and how you interact with others – for the better!

Loving What IS by Byron Katie

One of the most amazing things about being human is that every dream or creation leads us to want to dream bigger, or to create a bigger dream than the ones we had before.

One of the main reasons why your life looks the way it does right now is YOU WEREN’T SPECIFIC ENOUGH.

Thought you’d never have to hear that again, right? And so we got a version of what we wanted, but it wasn’t the complete version. See, we spend a lot of time looking at what we don’t want, but very little being very specific about what we do want. I remember one day I wrote what my perfect guy looked like; I thought I wrote everything … everything that was, except his personality. Well within 3 days the guy matching my description showed up, with a personality I couldn’t stand!

My prosperity partners and I were doing a project once (and I have to tell you it’s the hardest thing waiting for 3 other people’s opinions!) At one point during the project there were objections about different things; one was about the color we were using for the project, for example. For the first time I truly understood how GOD/UNIVERSE operated ~ minus my frustration of course ~ but I kept thinking ‘If you just tell me what color you want I’ll make it happen. I don’t care, I want whatever you want, but you have to know what you want.’ You can’t just say ‘I don’t like the red balloons’, well what color balloons do you want?

Days, weeks, months pass and no answer comes.

Well, I can’t read minds people and neither can the Universe/GOD. The universe/GOD will give you exactly what you want every single time…IF you just tell it/him what you want. But if you give a general description then that’s what you get; something fitting that general description.

Another reason your lives are the way they are is because we forget the dreams we put into creation. As time goes by, you forget that last week you wanted something…3 years ago you wanted something else…and when you add the fact that you weren’t specific in the first place, it’s easy to see that when it comes into your life 3 or 4 years down the line you don’t even recognize it. You treat it as some random thing happening to you.

Ever see someone wanting a Red car but not saying ‘I want a red car that runs smoothly and is reliable’? Well then they get the red car, but it breaks down every day and they say ‘This isn’t what I wanted!’ Or someone with a spouse; they wanted this person at one point. But now it’s more like ‘This isn’t what I wanted!’ Maybe they forgot to ask for someone who was faithful, or for someone who had the same values as they did.

Did you ever truly know what you wanted? Did you ever write it out, or were you too busy saying ‘I don’t want to be single anymore. I want a spouse!’? ‘I don’t want to be broke anymore; I want to have more money!’

News flash: a penny is more money.

So when the Universe sent you that one penny laying on the floor it fulfilled your wishes. ‘That’s not what I meant’ you say.

Remember, the Universe/God can’t read minds. You never said how much. So maybe you didn’t know how much you wanted, or even better you didn’t want to decide because if you did, you may not get as much as you could get, right? Well, ‘more money’ is very general, so it may not be quite what you had in mind by the time it gets here.

How about the job that you have? Did you think about describing your coworkers? How about the boss you wanted? Nope, you didn’t…because you don’t really believe you have any control.

The next reason is YOU KEEP CHANGING YOUR MIND. How many times have you changed your mind in the last hour, or the last year? We change our minds all the time, constantly rearranging and changing and readjusting the thought, and so by the time it gets here it’s virtually unrecognizable.

This is excerpted from the e-book “You are Already Living the Life of Your Dreams” by Ophelia Nicholson.**

**Get this book as a bonus when you buy ’30 Days to Wealth’ today!