The Breathing Prosperity blog

Do you approve of yourself and think you are a good, worthy person? In your opinion, are you more or less worthy of your dreams than other people? More than the jerk around the corner, but maybe less than Oprah?

I’d be willing to bet that you may feel less worthy than you should, because sadly we all do it. We are harder on ourselves than we should be, and we wonder why we can’t attract wonderful things…

We try and teach our kids to have high self-esteem, yet often we do not have loads of it ourselves. How can we model something we do not feel? I remember reading once about a fabulous parent who taught her child respect by respecting herself. She would say to her daughter, ‘I respect myself and therefore I won’t allow you to talk to me that way.’ She didn’t demand respect, she demonstrated it…a far deeper and more effective lesson, I would guess. I was so impressed with this, and the more I read and the more I learn I see that many of our problems, especially when it comes to lack of abundance – of love, of money, of anything that is important to us – stem from feeling we are somehow not worthy.

Now where would we get such ideas? Do you believe you feel this way somewhere inside?

Perhaps on the surface of things you think you have great self-esteem; you feel happy generally, you are liked by others and don’t worry too much about what people think. Great! Here are a few questions and suggestions for exploring whether this issue actually affects you, and to help you think about where these thoughts may have come from:

• When you try something new or unfamiliar, what kind of words do you hear in your head? If you do not meet your expectations when trying something, what do you honestly say to yourself? You may be surprised at how much you beat yourself up, even though you may simultaneously try and console yourself. The field of psychology tells us that the voices in our heads in such situations are usually ‘old tapes’ running from things we heard when we were kids, and unless you had spectacularly effective and positively encouraging parents, these tapes are not always good for our self-esteem. If you ever call yourself stupid, or are embarrassed, or have regrets, or hang on to hurts you feel were done to you, you may have lower than optimal self-esteem. You don;t feel great about who you are in the world, and take your learning experiences with humour and gratitude and self-love. Luckily this can be remedied, because you are a truly fantastic person who just needs to be more aware of it (I promise!). Everything you do makes perfect sense for you, and there are no mistakes. Consider your whole life as you would a child learning to walk, and give yourself a break. Have fun, lighten up, encourage yourself (if you don’t, who will?…), and be a good friend to your fine self.
• Are you impatient, easily frustrated, or easily discouraged? Do you think there may be something wrong with you? Are you to slow, or too old, or too young, or not of the right cultural background to fulfill your dreams? These are all either limiting beliefs or symptoms of not believing in yourself and all that you are capable of. (Related helpful article: Finding Limiting Beliefs) Impatience can seem like confidence, but often masks an inability to have faith and see things through in a longer-term plan. We lack the trust in ourselves and the Universe to just KNOW that things will work out as they should, and we want to force the issue because we are afraid ‘it’ will never happen. When we do not feel we are capable or worthy, we hold our dreams away or give up on them entirely. Oh, what a sad state of affairs! Luckily, many, many tools exist to help you relax and just BE the person you are; to accept your exact self and love your life. This doesn’t mean you have to accept everything in your life, as people fear…instead it empowers you to choose differently from a place of confidence.
• Are you critical of others? Are you afraid of meeting people, or speaking in public? Do you worry about what you wear or drive or do for a living, more than you enjoy the actual experiences of getting out into a beautiful day, talking to and learning about people, helping others with your knowledge and experiences, smiling and chatting, wearing things that make you comfortable and happy, feeling a breeze on your face? When we worry about what others think we are discounting our own lives and our own opinions. More importantly, we are not being authentically ourselves and thus not sharing ourselves with others in a meaningful way. When you can enjoy your life experiences every day (fully thinking about yourself and how you like things, not worrying about appearances) AND take pleasure in meeting others and thinking about THEM instead of yourself, you have an appropriate balance. This means taking care of yourself and coming from a place of happiness and completeness as you go out into the world. In this state, you would not allow anyone to take advantage of you (a fear many have) because you respect and love yourself; you can open up and just listen and learn and enjoy your interactions.

These are just a few thoughts that came to me today. Life is indeed precious and short, as we all see whenever we lose someone dear. Our joy is to be had in the everyday things, and the time in which to create and attract a life you love is shorter than you may realize. Love yourself, KNOW that you are a fantastic, beautiful creation, and enjoy every moment! Call your dreams to you like the creator you are, and shine like a light of inspiration for those around you. No more hesitating or thinking thoughts of unworthiness…there isn’t enough time…and you are AWESOME!

Embracing Your Creative ‘Mistakes’

More and more, I’m starting to embrace all that I’ve done in the past…perhaps I can inspire you to do the same.

As an example, several years ago I was working in what seemed like the ultimate jail – a cubicle. I loathed the job although I loved the people. It was the feeling of having to be there and work on projects that meant less than nothing to me that drove me nearly insane. I felt I was wasting my life, and although I was offered promotions due to my professionalism and work ethic, I dreaded the thought of spending my whole working life there. As you may guess, everyone thought I was crazy for even considering giving up a ‘good thing.’

At the time, I swore I’d move beyond that horrid cubicle and I began by making a list, once I learned the nifty trick of defining what I want by being clear on what I DIDN’T want.

If you’d like to do this exercise, here’s how to do it effectively. Using life’s work as an example, start by listing your job from hell: everything you would (or do) absolutely hate about a job. I still have my list, and although I have utterly changed since then (more about that later), you might find it helpful, or at least amusing :

• Get up early and/or work late
• No appreciation
• Yelled at all the time for others’ mistakes (or mine)
• Everyone dumps their stuff on you
• No food available
• Time clock
• No benefits
• Dark or windowless area
• No radio or ventilation
• Fluorescent lighting and a ticking clock
• Molest-y men all around
• Gossipy people
• No chance for advancement

This exercise did not take into account many horrifying working conditions in other areas of the world, of course. It served well as a jumping off point for me to determine what I did want at the time. Here’s the list I made of my ‘ideal’ job, based on the opposites of the first list and without thinking too much about it:

• Wake up on my own time and only work late if I want to
• Able and encouraged to use my mistakes to learn – not blamed for anything not mine
• Being understood, empathized with
• Only my duties
• My choice of food readily available
• No one watching or counting my hours
• Benefits – health, dental, prescription, eyes somehow covered – no worries
• Windows, sunlight
• Music, fresh air, contact with people and world
• Indirect and pleasant task-oriented lighting
• Able to get absorbed in work without noticing time
• Co-workers or men in the business whose respect is given, earned: obvious equality
• Career-oriented, positive and intelligent people
• Advance as earned – my choice

The Creative Leap

After analyzing this information for a while, I decided that going into real estate as a salesperson would fulfill these desires nicely. I had a small daughter and wanted more flexibility, and my Mom had been in real estate years earlier. I also had a marketing and business background and valued integrity, professionalism and doing an excellent job for clients I cared about. Real estate seemed the ideal vocation for me. I went through the intense training and quit my job: I leapt.

The Results

Here’s where I admit to failure. hated real estate, and I mean hated it. I found that my clients didn’t appreciate me, my officemates and other Realtors either had no ambition or were very competitive, and I didn’t like ‘selling’ to people at all. We were charged with approaching ‘For Sale by Owner’ households on a daily basis, and it left me cowering in my bed more than once, despite a wealth of sales material I read and listened to. I just wasn’t able to get my authentic self across. Once I had clients,  I loved them and treated them almost as I would my own family, and because I cared so much I would not be pushy with people. This caused them to either be wishy-washy, to walk all over me or to be pushed into things by some other unscrupulous agent.

There is much more to the story than this, but suffice to say real estate was NOT what I thought it was, and I had been fooled by the happy Realtor commercials.

I took such a risk with this new career path that it was four grueling years before I could admit to myself that it was failing me, and me it. I wanted it to work, but I was desperately unhappy, and on top of that the flexibility I thought I’d enjoy was definitely not there. My daughter’s most common complaint was about me dragging her to appointments, and that sure wasn’t quality time!

Fast Forward

I would not give up my experience in real estate, OR in any other job I performed and disliked - including the original instigator - for the world. Those experiences have made me who I am, and have informed the decisions I’ve made since then. From our experiences we can choose to define and then refine what it is that we want.

I am now working at my beautiful desk in my home, writing about things I am passionate about and enjoying my dinner while listening to jazz…with a beautiful view outside and the ability to stop and start whenever I wish. I’m in absolute heaven!

My central passion has become to help others look around and realize they can do the same thing, and it can be distilled down to 3 simple steps, no matter the subject:

1. DEFINE what you want, and take steps to experience it in some way
2. REFINE as you learn from your new experiences
3. ACHIEVE your dreams!

Without this creative, life- and happiness-affirming process, I think I would die from boredom – my worst nightmare.

I hope I can inspire you to new heights of achievement in your own life, and if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to contact me. Life is fleetingly short, and we are all in it together. Let’s make the most of it and make it spectacular!

P.S. If you’re feeling inspired to embrace your power, here’s a little boost in the form of an article by Steve Pavlina…be forewarned it’s not always easy, but it IS always rewarding in the end.