What is it that makes you feel connected to your world, your life? Is it your family, your spouse, your friends? Is it your job or your yoga class or the volunteer work you do?
I am being given an opportunity as I write to figure out the answer to that question, and it is proving quite challenging. I am hoping that by getting my thoughts out of my head and onto this page, I’ll gain some clarity and in turn provide some insight to you as well.
(The following was written last week when I was on a ship in the middle of the Pacific, with no internet and no phone.)
I am out to sea, hundreds of miles from land, sailing the Pacific ocean on the way from the beautiful Hawaiian islands to Vancouver, BC. Internet connection is both sketchy and very expensive, so I’ve been keeping it to a bare minimum – besides, it’s a vacation!
My point is that being out to sea with no connection to loved ones, only a bit of news, and little to no sense of time (the days seem to meld into one another), I am feeling disconnected. It’s not a good feeling, and it leaves me with a sense of melancholy I’m trying to shake. Here I am on a beautiful cruise ship, and while I have my daughter with me, she’s off playing with other kids much of the time, leaving me with plenty of time to work, reflect, exercise, etc..
Now I KNOW that my sense of connection should come from an inner spark, rather than from any relationship or place. Why is it, then, I am longing for home and for my sweetheart and for my parents and my ‘normal’ life? I absolutely love to travel and have created my life around the ability to pick up and do so at any time – so why am I feeling forlorn?
I think the sense of isolation I feel is very much involved – I didn’t realize how isolating it is to be away from land and internet and just, well, people in general. This is a very small ship and although it is beautiful, I can’t help but notice that we’re all alone out here on this vast blue ocean. The internet has been down all day so even my momentary fix is unavailable.
So, knowing that I am a whole, complete person unto myself, that the Universal spirit pervades everything and everyone and that, in fact, we are all one anyway, I am attempting to cultivate the feeling of connectedness I so treasure (and didn’t realize it until I lost it). Even this writing somehow makes me feel connected, as I know it will be read by my Breathing Prosperity readers and that makes me feel happy.
A lesson for me is that we never really know ourselves until we are truly in isolation. I spend much of my time at home on my computer these days, but I’m in a condo full of people and have many family and friends only a phone call – or an instant message – away. How much those connections mean to me, I never realized. My intent here, however, is to determine how I can create within myself the wholeness and lack of longing I am aiming for. I feel I’m a fairly self-dependent person and don’t need much ‘maintenance’ to please me…I should be able to go anywhere and feel happy and be able to enjoy myself, especially as I believe that I’m creating it all!
With that in mind, it’s time to ask myself “What do I want?”
I want: to smile and have a great time, to cherish every moment I’m here without longing for home, to be fully in the now and feeling satisfied, content and happy, to appreciate and savour each experience and moment as it comes, to express myself as a complete, happy, excited and joyous human being who is simply thrilled to be on this planet, feeling the wind and hearing the waves and grateful to be alive.
Presto! This did the trick.
Lesson: Remember to always, ALWAYS focus on what you want. I’ve not been doing that, and hence the poignant, bittersweet and lonesome feelings I’ve been having are definitely self-created. I knew it, but I had to delve into it to break the spell. Thanks for ‘listening!’ I hope this may help you some day when you need it.
