I’ve been having some fun lately working on (what a contradiction! it’s actually not work – it is indeed fun!) my abundance mentality, after living in what has felt like the ‘real’ world for a while; the world full of family and friends suffering illness and loss, and of time stresses and such.
I can now see that I used to think that I had to choose between living in a mental state of abundance and happiness, or dealing with ‘reality’ in concrete ways. Call it wishing and hoping vs. being a realist.
New conclusion: I was wrong. I’m happy and most grateful to admit it, because that struggle kept me pretty unhappy, frustrated and stuck.
For how can I really manifest a happy, fulfilled life if I’m struggling all the time, and if remembering to be grateful for everything I have feels like a chore instead of joy?
I’ve opened up, expanded a LOT lately, and it has made a spectacular difference in my life. Perhaps turning 40 had a lot to do with this…if so, this is a process that started a couple of years ago when I turned 40 and I magically stopped caring what others think – in a good way – and cared a lot more about myself. However, only in the last two months or so am I really, consciously noticing that my way of thinking and responding to things has truly changed.
An example with a simple scenario: My daughter triggers anger in me by saying something flippant or disrespectful.
PAST RESPONSE: I do one of two things. I try not to react, and go through rationalizations in my mind about how she’s a teenager and she’s got her own stuff going on, and it’s not a huge deal, and I try to dissipate my own anger by myself; I go for a walk, I let it subside, I try to be understanding and realize it’s not about me. I simmer and fume until I slowly get over the resentment. Or, I burst out with righteous anger, yell at her and tell her she must be more respectful. I fully, presently resent that she isn’t, and remind her that based on how much love and care I provide on a daily basis, SHE SHOULD BE GRATEFUL AND NEVER FORGET.
NEW RESPONSE (and this is how I know I’ve really changed): I’m happy. I’m more separate from others, but more connected and loving. I choose happiness, no matter what’s going on around me. This used to be an intellectual pursuit…something I tried to do. Now it just IS. I’m sorry my girl’s having a bad day, and when she calms down a bit I’ll go and ask her about it, to ensure she has someone to talk to. Her path is not mine, and I cannot rescue her, nor is she responsible to me for my feelings. In fact, the better and more graciously I handle myself the better a role model I will be, and the more I can be present for whatever’s going on around me, rather than being in my head. I live my life for me, and I want my daughter to live her life for her. She is blossoming, and much happier. I also know that she is a wonderful person, and that overall she is loving, respectful and grateful. She is awesome. I am blessed to be her Mom. This moment’s interaction is not a symptom of some crazy, fearsome, underlying problem. It’s just a moment. I let it go. I am at peace and actively look for something to bounce my vibe back up. I am almost always successful; my rebound-from-low-grade-input rate is almost instant these days, but is never more than a couple of hours.
I happen to notice that people around me are happier, and that I reach out a lot more. My friends, my online friends and my customers all benefit from this, and I really do feel more connected, which brings me even higher on a daily basis. I am calmer, less stressed and happier, by far.
I’d like to thank a few people, each super cool women whom I admire and whose perspectives have in some way helped with these shifts I’m enjoying:
- Erin Pavlina: Down to earth and larger than life at the same time, Erin is a one of a kind, special lady.
- Melody Fletcher: Freakin’ hilarious and smart woman whose words speak perfectly to me!
- Amber Adrian: A special young lady whose poignant and witty writing brings me back to centre every time.
- Patty Stewart-McCord: Patty gives to everyone around her with the biggest heart, and takes care of her amazing self as living proof of her beliefs.
- Rachel Rofé: How cool is this woman? She is beautiful inside and out and fabulously successful…plus plus plus…
- Shanna de Potts: Not a day goes by when this amazing, energetic lady does not post some positive inspiration. Thank you, Shanna!
- Gabriela Dinca: Empowered, beautiful and successful: I’m proud to call Gabriela my friend and sometimes mentor.
- Karen Bell: KB! The sweetest, most generous and lovely girl…out there being her true, awesome self for all of us to admire.
- Annie Anderson: Fierce and full of heart – what a powerful combination. Annie, you make me feel brave. I love you.
- Jeannette Maw: Jeannette’s amazing attitude serves everyone around her – on her blog/website, she interacts with her readers in a way that makes everyone feel awesome; she deserves to be the focal point of the amazing community she has created.
- Kerrie Mitchell: Effervescent and luminous girl who lights up everyone around her with her mere presence…
- Lori Painter: Stunningly beautiful, she could have gotten through life on just that. She didn’t, and she doesn’t. She’s incredible. Thanks, Lori.
- Fiona Russell: For shining like the sun personified, as I’ve said elsewhere, and living a life that demonstrates that anyone can live life exactly the way they want to. And for being a super cool chick.
- Crystal Silver: Not afraid to be both whip smart and beautiful, Crystal’s thoughtful take on life is much appreciated, by me.
- Cassie Parks: Kind and generous and making a positive impact on many people – thanks, Cassie!
- Michelle and Heidi: Of course you go together! You are living demonstrations of the beauty and rewards of friendship.
- Emily Clare: A smiling, shining example of love in our world. How many young people do you know who *actually* go and build orphanages in Africa?
I’m sure there are more, but these gals immediately come to mind. With such incredible role models I feel I can only become a better and better person, which to me means being even more authentic, joyous, loving – which includes loving of the self and setting boundaries – and brave.
Some people may move out of the life or way of someone positive. It can be irritating if that’s not where you’re at. I understand. Your path is not my path! I’ve been through enough pain and challenge in the last three years to last the rest of my life, and I know more will come. That is the way of things. It’s not about what comes, it’s about what is in my heart and mind. This to say I’m not coming from a place of fluff and rainbows – although I love rainbows! – but of reality which can be lived with joy no matter what.
All of these things I *knew* intellectually, and have tried to do in the past…I would strive to be like this…I attempted to remember these things at times of choice and duress. Now I just AM. I get it. There is always room for improvement, but I am most grateful for this way of being.
More proof: Here is a picture of me openly, ecstatically receiving the gift of arriving in Kaua’i, a place previously only in my dreams. This was definitely the result of my opening up and allowing people to give back to me; to clarifying and being determined to have what I really want and love; to not having a ‘give-and-receive evenly’ attitude (this was a hard one! I find giving easy…receiving, not so much…still working on it!).
I wish for you that you will enjoy peace of mind, prosperity and abundance in every way that matters to you. ♥